You’re tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of never getting enough sleep — of being woken up over and over again every night.

People told you this would happen. It’s common knowledge that sleep will be affected when you have a baby. You knew it would lessen in frequency, duration, and quality. You were mentally prepared for it.

But you didn’t know it would go on this long, or that you’d still be struggling 4 months, 6 months, or 9 or more months into their life.

When you talk to people about it, they tell you it’s normal. Babies want their parents all the time. Most of them hate getting put down — even in order to sleep.

They say it’s normal, which is true. They also say it’s okay, but maybe it’s not.

Because you can’t go on forever getting tiny sip amounts of sleep at a time. You want to finish an entire sleep cycle without being woken up. You want to reboot and reset in the late hours of the night separate from your baby. You want a break.

You need it.

Listen up because the next part is important.

None of this makes you a bad parent.

Wanting a break does not make you a bad parent.

Wanting to get more sleep does not make you a bad parent.

Wanting your child to learn good sleep habits does not make you a bad parent.

Trying to squeeze prioritizing yourself back into your life after having a baby…(say it with me) does not make you a bad parent.

The fact that you think it might, means you’re a great parent.

And yes, it’s possible to do. I’m going to tell you how I did it.

To preface this, there are probably hundreds of ways to sleep-train a baby. The method I’m about to explain is only one of them. It’s not your only option.

Different methods work for different people. Heck, some people don’t want to sleep train at all. And that’s okay. If you’re happy and content with the way you and your baby sleep, then you’re doing great!

But if you’re here and you’ve made it this far, you probably do want to sleep train. So here is the method that worked for me.

The Ferber Method

The Ferber method, also known as “graduated extinction”, was developed by Richard Ferber MD: Pediatrician, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children’s Hospital Boston, and writer of the best-selling book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. His method is meant to gradually teach your baby how to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own.

I used the Ferber method to sleep-train all 3 of my children. I swear by this method. It has created healthy sleep habits that my children have carried with them throughout the years.

When & Where To Start

I don’t recommend starting to sleep train any sooner than 4 months. I sleep-trained all 3 of my little ones with the Ferber method at 6 months and I felt like it was the perfect time to start.

Babies under 6 months are likely to still need several nursing/feeding sessions throughout the night, and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends babies sleep in the parent’s room (alone in their own bed) for the first 6 months of life in order to lower the risk of SIDS.

In my opinion, 6-7 months is the sweet spot. Babies are ready at this age to transition to their own bed in their own room. Starting to sleep-train this way means you have more control over their sleep environment: who enters and leaves the room and when, how bright or dark you make the room, and how quiet or loud (e.g. white noise) the room is.

A cool, dark, and quiet environment with a door is key.

Make A Schedule

The first step is to create a schedule for your baby. A solid schedule will ensure that your baby is getting sleepy as bedtime approaches each night and will help them know what to expect.

My baby wakes around 8 in the morning, naps from 11-12:30 and again at 3-4:30, then he goes down for bedtime at 7:30 in the evening.

This is just what works for us. You do you!

All that matters is that you make a schedule and stick to it! Consistency is key.

Follow your baby’s usual sleep routine. We usually:

Give baby a warm bath
Feed the baby one last time
Lotion and fresh diaper
Dress the baby in cozy pajamas and a sleep-sack (We use Love-To-Dream)
Read a book or sing a lullaby (or both!)
Give kisses and hugs goodnight

And finally, get yourself a sleep-training buddy. AKA: Another adult who can switch off with you when you need to step away or are feeling overwhelmed. Seriously, it takes a village!

Get Started

Now for the nitty gritty! You’re baby is ready to sleep-train and you’re ready to sleep-train. The sleep environment, schedule, and routine are ready to go. Now what?

Here’s how it works:

You want to lay your baby down tired but awake and leave the room right away.

The awake part is important because the goal here is for your baby to learn how to fall asleep in their own bed. I remember the first time I read this tidbit while training my oldest. I think my exact thoughts were:

“There is no way in hell my baby is going to willingly fall asleep in her own bed, without me holding her, and not scream her head off in the process.”

And they probably won’t. Not at first.

Also, (spoiler alert) two nights later she did fall asleep in her own bed, without me holding her, and without screaming her head off.

Follow The Intervals

When you’re baby cries—because what the heck is happening, this is not how bedtime usually goes—you’re going to enter the room and comfort them in intervals.

Follow this interval chart to know when to enter the room and soothe your baby:

So on night one you’ll check in and comfort them 3 minutes after laying them down. If they’re still crying you’ll check in and comfort again 5 minutes later, and again 10 minutes after that, if necessary. You’ll continue walking in to comfort them every 10 minutes until they fall asleep. On night two you’ll follow the 5-10-12 interval and so on and so forth.

If at any point they stop crying, you can stop entering the room. And if they start crying again, pick up where you left off at the last interval.

Seems simple enough, right? Mostly, but there are still a few more things to know.

Soothe Your Baby

Do not pick your baby up. I repeat, do not pick your baby up.

This part is nearly as important as the intervals. When I tried the Ferber method for the first time with my oldest, I didn’t realize how important this rule was. When I’d enter the room the soothe her, I’d pick her up and unknowingly start the whole process over.

Because here’s the thing: The Ferber method is meant to teach your child how to fall asleep in their own bed. If you pick your baby up and soothe them in your arms, they’re going to stop crying (because that’s their favorite place to be-duh) but they’re not learning to fall asleep in their own bed.

Soothe them any other way you want!

Whisper a few soothing words to them
Rub their back
Pat their butt
Or simply rest your hand on their back

I usually stay silent and comfort by rubbing my baby’s back or patting their butt. Now that my baby is sleep-trained, if he gets upset in the middle of the night, resting my hand on his back usually calms him right down.

Aim to stay in the room for no longer than a couple minutes. Just long enough to remind your baby they are safe and not alone.

Be Consistent (As Much As Possible)

Your sweet baby is learning a new skill! It’s going to take practice but they will pick it up that much faster if you are consistent with them.

I know the chart shows 7 days of intervals. But I’ve known several people who have sleep-trained this way (and I’ve done it 3 times with each of my kids) and by night 3 most babies go right to sleep without crying at all.

Try to follow the method as closely as possible for the best and quickest results.

With that being said, no one’s perfect. And honestly? Shit happens.

I just trained my youngest last month and there was a night when we tried to start the sleep-training process just to call it quits 30 minutes later. He just wasn’t calming down and my mama instincts were telling me something was up. Turned out he was starting to get sick. He started running a fever later that night.

And don’t forget, you’re in charge. Alter the intervals slightly if you need to. Push the next check-in back by a couple minutes if your baby seems like they’re calming down.

Sleep-training might not look perfect. It might even be a hot mess at first.

Just follow the steps I laid out for you and do your best. Try to stay consistent as much as possible and finally, finally get some good sleep!

You deserve it!

I hope this guide helps someone who is feeling lost on the topic of sleep-training. I remember that feeling all too well.

This phase of life will not last forever. You will start getting back to a quality night’s sleep. Don’t give up!

And finally, if you liked this article or found it helpful, please subscribe down below! No one should be mom-ing alone. Let’s do this shit together!

Unlock Deep and Peaceful Rest: The Ultimate Guide to Ferber Method Sleep-Training